if

Mary would be one week old today if she had been healthy and born on her due date. That's a hell of an "if" isn't it?

Some people have seemed dismayed that I'm still struggling. I understand. They never knew Mary as an individual. I lost a baby. To most of the world I lost a pregnancy. But you know, I didn't just lose a baby. I lost a baby, a toddler, a middle-schooler, a teen and an adult child. She will always be missing. If, by the grace of God, we get pregnant again and are blessed with a healthy child, she will still be missing. If we have 12 healthy children, guess what...she will still be missing. That's not to say that I won't become more skilled at dealing with it. But I will never get over it. That's as it should be.