One of the hardest things for me comprehend is just how normal life is for everyone else. My baby died inside of me. And then I gave birth to her. And the world just keeps turning, birds chirp outside, plants are reviving, spring is, well, springing. People are going to work and gassing up their cars and paying their taxes like everything is ok. How can that be?
The best expression I've found of this disconnect is Without You from the musical Rent. It's the song that resonates with me best when I'm feeling my worst.
MIMI
Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows
Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play
The Stars Gleam
The Eagles Fly
Without You
The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You
Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girls Smile
The Cloud Moves
Without You
The Tides Change
The Oceans Crash
The Crowd Roars
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You
The Moon Glows
The River Flows
But I Die
Without You
ROGER
The World Revives
MIMI
Colors Renew
BOTH
But I Know Blue
Only Blue
Lonely Blue
Within Me, Blue
Without You
MIMI
Without You
The Hand Gropes
The Ear Hears
The Pulse Beats
ROGER
Without You
The Eyes Gaze
The Legs Walk
The Lungs Breathe
BOTH
The Mind Churns
The Heart Yearns
The Tears Dry
Without You
Life Goes On
But I'm Gone
Cause I Die
ROGER
Without You
MIMI
Without You
ROGER
Without You
BOTH
Without You
So well written Christy. Thank you for sharing how you're feeling. I think you are right, people just mean that they are sorry and somehow want to help you be okay. But you don't have to be okay right now and that's normal too. Please know that you and Mary are thought of by so many people every day, even those who haven't seen you in person in a long time. I wish she was still in your arms but because you are sharing her story, she will live on in so many hearts and she will not be forgotten. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind, thoughtful reply.
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